He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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