Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize