carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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