Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
