I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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