I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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