i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
