so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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