He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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