I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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