nut hugger
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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