Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
