It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
