I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
