i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
