so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
