I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize