Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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