hell yes lets make some ravioli
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
