Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize