he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
