how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
