Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
