Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
