we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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