wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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