i wish peter jackson would direct porn
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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