I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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