You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize