All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
