kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
