kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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