I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
