Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
