So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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