shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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