Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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