I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
