And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
