Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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