Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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