did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
