In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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