Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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