My nipple is on Facebook.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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