Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
