im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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