The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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