then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize