My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
