Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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