I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
