So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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