Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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