My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
