I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
