he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
