Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
