He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
