bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
