I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
