I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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